Belly Love is Real Love

It's been two weeks since I posted my first belly picture online and the change has been incredible already.

I guess it was the final hurdle. The moment that all the work I've done so far has been building up to - letting other people see my belly and not when I'm lying down and it's all flat and alluring but when I'm sitting on a chair and it seems like the rolls and bulges will never stop.

Surprisingly it wasn't difficult to post the very first picture. Even though I took it standing up it was face on so the extent of my protruding rolls couldn't be seen. It was when it came to picture 2 and it was side on that I got nervous. There was definitely gin involved. Then things got better and I began to see the funny side of my belly and started to think it was adorable.

The day 5 arrived. It was the first full on sitting down, stomach rolls out photo. It wasn't fun. I had a little cry and then I noticed it's resemblance to the poo emoji and I couldn't stop laughing and since then it's been a breeze. The worst is over, the worst is out there and I feel good about it.

Then the worry about taking up everyones newsfeed's with pictures of my belly set in and it wasn't the only worry playing on my mind. There was the fear that someone eating their breakfast would come across a picture of my stomach and never want to eat again, the fear of people thinking I was yet another example of white privilege in action (which it is and I'm aware of it), the idea of fatter people rolling their eyes and saying you have no fucking idea (which they should – a great post on thin privilege is here), the fear of my family being embarrassed, the fear of past lovers being ashamed that they once touched me, the fear of people not being able to look me in the eye ever again because they had seen so much.... etc. etc.

Luckily most people were on my side. Despite perhaps thinking some of the above, they recognised a struggle that, sadly, most of us go through internally.

Solidarity has been a huge part for this process for me and this challenge was an incredible example of that. So many people sent me pictures of their bellies. Each one had it's own personality. Each one was just as beautiful and lovable as the other and I started to include my own belly in that group. Here we were a bunch of bellies that had seen and experienced the world in different ways and each one told that story. Was any story less important than another? Was any person less important than the other? Was mine any less important than any of theirs. No to all of the above.

It's funny how you can know that's it not good to hate your own belly, that you would feel horrible if your friends felt that way, that it's sad that there's a whole generation of young people who are about to start hate their bodies in the same way and yet it doesn't change the way you see your own. I've known all these things for a long time and it's only in the past two weeks that I've truly taken them on board instead of just thinking them as thoughts. I haven't articulated that well but hopefully you understanding what I mean.

I feel content in my body for the first time. I feel happy that it's a funny, beautiful, sloppy, magical beast of a body and I love it. It's not going to be on the cover of a magazine anytime soon. It's not going to be a body that anyone wishes they had but it's mine and I love it.

There's only one nagging fear still skulking around the corners of my brain. I'm afraid that I'm just riding a wave of positivity because this challenge has worked so well and so quickly but in fact, there's been no long term change. In order to counter this, I'm going to stick to my original challenge and continue posting pictures of my belly for the net two weeks just to make sure this isn't a passing fancy.  

So here it is -

15. Girls Just Wanna Have A Positive Body Image

Tags: bikini body,body confidence,body image,body positive,body acceptance,self-esteem,self-development,self-love,being yourself