The Change

The only things I learned about “going through The Change”, aka the menopause, during my sex education were that your periods stopped, which was a great thing but meant that having babies had a deadline to it, and that you might get hot and angry at various points. That was it. The lesson was over and we all left talking about how gigantic the sanitary towel was that she had shown us.

To me that felt like very robust information at the time but it wasn’t until a few years ago, when I was performing in a play about a woman’s journey through menopause with Yellow Coat Theatre Company , that I realised they had taught us sweet feck all. Probably because they knew feck all, in fairness. Studies into the health of those with uteruses has been notoriously underfunded and under researched throughout history, with most of our understanding of human anatomy being based on white, cis-male cadavers.

This lack of training on menopause, as well as some doctors not believing those who menstruate when they speak on their symptoms, very often leads to misdiagnosis. Symptoms such as reduction in bone density and muscle mass, weight gain, insomnia, depression, vaginal dryness and numbness in extremities can all occur during menopause but very often lead to misdiagnosis. This happened to the lead character of the play I was in. She was misdiagnosed with MS.

I also learned that there was a thing called the perimenopause. This is the transitional phase before your menopause. It can last anywhere from a year to a DECADE and just like the menopause the symptoms, as well as the intensity, seem to vary for each individual.

I was so shocked by all of this information when I first read the play, not to mention terrified. It’s one thing to be experiencing all of those symptoms but for people to not know how to help or not believe you was such a scary thought. To say I was in a state of one hundred percent shock would be a lie, as I had experienced my fair share of not being believed when speaking about my own mental and physical health, but I just couldn’t believe that so little was done and there was still so much shame around something so natural.

Until I heard the audience's response. I had never seen the theatre so full of middle aged non-theatre goers in my life and they were all there because someone was talking about it. They laughed in agreement, cried in solidarity and cheered at knowing that it was a shared experience. So many stories in the bar afterwards about the fear of not knowing what was happening to you, not feeling like yourself, embarrassment, shame and isolation. Not only did those going through menopause not know what was happening to them, the people around them had no clue either. They couldn’t support their loved ones properly because they had no understanding of what was going on and so jokes about hot flashes and angry rants were made while inside their loved ones felt they were disappearing.

Aside from the powerful audience response, one of my favourite parts of the show was the revelation that killer whales go through menopause too, as well as short-finned pilot whales. It is not thought that any other animals go through menopause though there was a report of an orangutan doing so back in 2014 - the first time this was medically recorded. Scientists believe that there may be an evolutionary benefit to menopause. By no longer reproducing, there is more capacity to look after your adult children and grandchildren, ensuring extra protection for your genes across both generations, maybe even a third if you are lucky.

In my western world vacuum, menopause seems to be shrouded in secrecy and something to dread, but in other cultures those post-menopause are revered and this stage is seen as a step into a more fulfilling and wiser part of your life. In some places, women who have been segregated from men, are welcomed as equals during this part of their life. Not to mention the killer whales who have passed through menopause often become pod leaders.

This has lightened the fear somewhat. Not because my life’s ambition is to become a pod leader for a family of killer whales, as badass as that sounds, but that beyond the absolute nightmare that is menopause, there is a reconnection with yourself, almost a brand spanking new version of yourself. Like when a superhero powers up a level.

There are now a whole host of articles, books and podcasts dispelling this myth that your life is over and you become better and boring when you hit menopause. Far from it. Many of those basking in post-menopausal sunbeams say how they finally feel like they’ve arrived at the fullest version of themselves and find it very liberating. Now obviously, post-menopausal lives are as varied as menopause experiences, and all of this has been seen through my white, cis-female lens (dealing with menopause if you sit outside of this must be ten times more of a nightmare!) but it does offer some light at the end of the tunnel.

Meanwhile, I am doing all the research I can to prepare myself and those around me for the terror to come. With the menopausal history in my family combined with my dramatic side, I can only imagine it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

Some Resources:

Rock My Menopause

Perimenopause Power by Maisie Hill

This article in the Guardian from Gabi Hinsliff

This Ted talk called 'The Roar of Menopause' from Katie Day.

Coming soon: The Menopause Manifesto: Own Your Health with Facts and Feminism by Dr. Jen Gunter