The Importance of Blogging and Water

Since I last posted, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I had made it. I had achieved what I set out to do, rocked that bikini and didn’t feel an ounce of body shame. I also had my first ever body shame free Christmas. Zero guilt about what I ate and drank or how I looked after weeks of gorging on delicious cheese. MMMMmmmmMMMM cheese…… (apologies vegans!)

I genuinely did not think about my body negatively once. It was heaven.

Then the New Year started, I had stopped blogging and old doubts started to creep in. Things that I thought I had moved on from were still lingering. I was catching myself comparing myself to other women more and more and beating myself up for not being as hilarious, intelligent, articulate or beautiful as them. I started to get grossed out about my body. I was deeply ashamed and unhappy about how I looked in the mirror.

On top of that, or intertwined I guess, my mental health took a turn for the worse. I plunged into my most serious bout of depression. I won’t go into the details for fear of triggering but safe to say the sense of unworthiness that came with this did nothing for my body image.

I’ve been feeling really upset about this relapse. It’s felt like everything I’ve done has been a waste. I cried a lot and didn’t know how to stop. It was then I realised how important blogging has been to me as part of this process. For the last year I’ve just seen it as something to hold me accountable so I don’t give up but it’s been much more than that.

In order to write a post you have to filter all the bullshit, all the waffle and try and hone in on one specific thought or feeling – usually the crux of everything you are going through at that moment. In doing so, I’ve been able to really zone in on what’s affecting me and work through it, gently. Also, it means I constantly have to be actively engaging and working through stuff otherwise there’d be nothing to post about!

I need this blog as it is a huge support to me in changing the way I’m thinking and reaching the place of body acceptance that I know will come in time. I’m not sure for how much longer but I’ll know when I’m done or you will and, hopefully, you’ll tell me to shut up. If you’re still reading.

What a long winded way to say I’M BACK!

So what’s the plan for dealing with this relapse?

Well currently –

1. Being kind to myself. Understanding that this is part of the process and it’s ludicrous to think I can change it all in one year.

2. No comparing. Trying to catch myself when comparing myself to other women. Remind myself that there achievements don’t belittle mine.

3. Return of the Mantra! I have not been engaging with this AT ALL. I found it really effective last time so that’s coming back.

4. Exercise! Reframing the way I see it. Helping my mind first, body second and see if that changes anything.

5. Sleep more and drink more water. Apparently this is highly effective.

If you have any other ideas then let me know! I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Big love,

A

xx

#imenough #bodyacceptance #bodyimage #bodyconfidence #selfdevelopment #selflove #selfesteem #Mantra #bodypositive #exercise