Things Will Never Be The Same

This month I have been reflecting on how I know I have changed and how I motivate myself to keep changing.

In the past, part of how I marked changes in my body was using before and after photos. They adorned every women’s magazine showing you that a “better” version of you was possible. That better version was always thinner. Nothing about whether they were a supportive friend, great at their jobs or excellent at keeping in touch with family. Nothing about their hobbies. Nothing about their wants and desires. Nothing about any internal work they may have done. Nope just a thinner photo, with better fitting underwear and a smile.

More recently, I have seen these photos pop up and underneath the captions will state that it’s not about weight loss but endurance, strength and confidence. Why then not use a photo of that person doing something with their body that they couldn’t do before? Why do you even need the before? Do you think we won’t believe you?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have used before and after photos myself in the past. Well, more befores than afters. Folders full of me side profile, looking sad in sports bras, that were a constant reminder that I was failing at becoming this new me - the thinner, happier me.

When I started to relook at exercise and how to motivate myself without a set of scales and a weekly measure, before and after photos actually seemed like the healthier option. However, they had the opposite effect, my body was changing slowly so there wasn’t much difference in the photos and so I began to lose confidence in what I was doing. The motivation was lost and I stopped. Another set of photos went into the before folder.

I struggled to find a way to motivate myself without these photographs but slowly through reading lots (yay books!) and following the advice of some of the great humans I follow on instagram, who are doing the academic work around all of this, I found some.

First up, I am trying to use intuitive movement which I was introduced to through Tally Rye’s work. Basically it involves checking in with your body and mind and seeing what exercise you are in the mood for. A dangerous game for those of us who don’t like to move, you say. I thought that as well. But honestly, any movement counts. Whether that’s a stroll around your housing estate, dancing to your favourite song or ten minutes of hand yoga - it all counts. I have found that tuning into this mindset, the more I want to move and, also, to do workouts with a bit more intensity to them. Not all the time but definitely more than before and it’s a genuine want instead of a feeling of “oh I should” (though those guilty days are still present). I think it’s because it’s helped me want to have more options for movement. I want my body to be able to do more.

Which brings me to my second motivation recommendation, and one that I think the best fitness coaches have moved towards, which is setting goals based on what your body can do. Maybe for you that’s not being able to do a single push up to being able to do 30 or maybe it’s learning to do a handstand, or being able to run to the fourth lamppost in 1 minute. Whatever it is for you, make your goals things that you want your body to be able to do rather than what it looks like. Some thin people are weak and some fat people could outrun you in a marathon easy peasy. You can be strong and healthy at every size.

Obviously those things are helpful in terms of physical changes but then I wondered about how I could motivate and track the changes of my mind. I have yet to see before and after pictures of the mind.

This one is undoubtedly trickier. For me, this blog is a great way of tracking my thinking so maybe journaling might work for you. I think, in general though, if you are constantly checking in with your behaviours and actively try to do something to change them, you’ll be in a situation one day and handle it differently and you’ll notice boom! I’ve changed!

I think change is inevitable. Our bodies change all of the time. Our minds are constantly being changed by the world around us and the work we are doing. I am trying to aim for finding respect and awe of myself at every stage so that then I can change or have ambitions for myself without them becoming bullies of my current self. I also think, in accepting that change is a constant, I don’t need any motivation for it. It will happen anyway if I am really tuned into how I’m feeling. Part of that is trying to remember that even if I set ambitions for myself, those ambitions can change. I can change what I want and who I want to be at any point. I have done it with my fear of dogs and I am doing it with my body image and sense of self worth.

And those folders of photos, are not folders of befores, but rather photos of me at age 15, 17, 19, 23, 26 and 28. I am not a before. I am a right now.